i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
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