I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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