I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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