the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Randomize
