Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
