Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
