he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
