i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
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