I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
wat bout pragnant strippers??
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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