so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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