I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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