yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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