There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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