I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
