I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
