my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
