i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
