Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
