By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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