A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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