I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
