So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Randomize
