It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
