What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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