I want to have your abortion
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
