i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
