Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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