I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
