OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
