How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
