Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
