I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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