She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
