He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
