Are we in a gay sports bar?
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
