Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
