I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
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