idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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