I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
