hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
