My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
