Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
