Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
We had sex on a dog bed..
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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