My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Randomize
