from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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