I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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