Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
