I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
