I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
