I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize