Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
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