I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
