I wanna bring you to show and tell
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
πππ what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the menβs room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out Iβm married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
